A first date is always nerve-racking, especially if we’ve been out of the game for a while. The truth is, everyone is nervous on a first date, including the person you’re going on the date with. Sometimes even the 2nd, 3rd, or 403rd date can cause a little anxiety. I’ve compiled 5 tips that I’ve recommended to clients in the past and also applied in my life. Read on and conquer that dating anxiety.
1. You’ve heard that saying “Check yourself before you wreck yourself!” It’s funny how we’re often our own biggest saboteurs. Breathe. No one date is the be-all-end-all date. (Most likely.) It’s not like your entire future and the happiness of all humankind is riding on one text exchange, one online message, or one date. Really. Don’t take yourself (or the other person) too seriously.
2. Rather than getting twisted up on doing and saying “the right things” just think of your personality and your message (your thoughts and opinions) as “This is the gift I have to share with the world.” When you give of yourself in this spirit, everything flows more naturally and each date doesn’t feel so critical. Know that you have something unique and unrepeatable inside and that is your gift to give whoever is ready to receive it.
3. Get a blow out or go to the gym or do some small thing to nurture yourself and look your best. You can use the time your head is over the shampoo bowl to relax, enjoy that scalp massage, and visualize a fun-filled date with a fascinating person. If a blow out isn’t your thing, then a walk around the neighborhood might do the trick. Something that lets your brain coast and that feels mildly pleasant.
4. If your anxiety reaches epic levels and you really can’t pull it together (like, if you’re having physical symptoms and you’re so anxious you can hardly function) then look into something like biofeedback, hypnotherapy or brain mapping. Learning to self-soothe and getting a handle on your mindset will give you a whole new lease on dating — and other things that make you anxious.
5. As a dating coach, I work with clients on a daily basis who suffer from various degrees of dating anxiety, whether it’s the anxiety of “will I find someone?” to the anxiety of “Will this be a waste of my time?” I have a huge toolbox full of tools to help you develop an optimal mindset for dating and the social strategies to give you a rich, full social life. And a quick online search will show there are many dating experts with books, blogs, online courses, live events and more to take advantage of. The point is to find one who speaks to you and plug into their tribe so you can nourish yourself with empowering, useful information that will help you realize the love life you desire. You don’t have to go it alone. Invest in your happiness. Allow yourself to be supported.
I hope these tips helps put your mind at ease, of course if you’d like more assistance you can always schedule a dating audit and strategy session. The key to remember is that everyone is nervous, but there really is no pressure, be who you are because that’s who you want the other person to fall for and remember, they’re trying (or should be trying) to impress you as well. Dating is fun, have fun!
Remember, Love Favors the Brave!