The Date Maven Blog

This is where the blog lives. If you’re a blogger as well (or maybe even a podcaster!) and you’re searching for new content, I’m available to guest blog or talk about these topics on your show. Just email me at suzanna@thedatemaven.com.

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Bookstore Bravado

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Your couch keeps you comfortable. That’s kind of the essence, form, and function of it, right? However, comfort is the antithesis of what it takes to get you up and out and socializing and dating. The line “Life starts outside your comfort zone” is totally true.

If you enjoy sports, attend sporting events. If you enjoy the arts, attend cultural events. Strike up conversations with individuals in ticket lines, coffee lines, grocery store lines, any lines! (I got hit on in line for the bathroom once. It was a little odd. That line might be better for making friends than finding dates. Just saying.) Where to go and how to hunt is one of the first things I cover with my coaching clients when they’re first getting started with me.

A current client of mine loves the bookstore as the place to scope out potential singles. She likes to see what people are reading as a view to what makes them tick. I recently asked one client, “What type of books do you like to read? What’s your genre?” Whatever your answer is – that’s the first aisle in the book store you should be camping out in.

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Shame. Overcome It.

By | Dating, Emotions, Love, Relationships, Self-help | No Comments

Shame. It’s been a hot topic in the self-help universe since Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly came out. I’ve wanted to talk about it for a long time. But I wasn’t ready yet.

I had my own shame to process:

Shame over projects started but not finished (at least not very quickly).
Shame about relationships that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would.
Shame about all the countless times I dropped the ball or stuck my head in the sand as a mother.

I get the shame game. I even got pretty immersed in it for a while. And my prayer is that it doesn’t keep anyone else from being who they are and taking steps to getting what they want for even one minute. Especially if the thing you want is love and connection and romance and relationship.

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Can Women and Men Be Friends?

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There is one debate that’s been tossed around in relationship conversations since the Rob Reiner movie, When Harry Met Sally and Friends with Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake: whether men and women can really be friends, like the platonic (well kind of platonic when referring to Friends with Benefits…I mean like being friends.)

 

Many relationship experts will insist that a lasting male/female friendship is impossible. But then I have friends who are matchmakers whose opposite-sex friends are an indispensable part of their lives. There are glowing exceptions to every rule, aren’t there?

 

The thinking is that “men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way,” as Billy Crystal’s character Harry says. He adds that “no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.”

 

I find this is true more often than not. I’ve tried – with patience and with simple, easy expectations – to keep my friendships with guy friends going, but one thing inevitably puts an end to them: they meet a girl. It happened with Cooper. It happened with Sid. And it happened with Jackson. We were having a ball! – a platonic ball, just to be clear – trying the new brews, sharing stories, and filling in the blanks of what we saw on each other’s Facebook feeds.

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9 Red Flags (That You Know You Bleach White)

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Guys do it. Girls do it. We put on the glasses that allow us to look at a red flag and see them as white. (Or maybe a pale and palatable shade of pink.) You might say they’re “Bleaching Lenses” because they have the power to distort the way you perceive someone’s behavior. You want to be the girlfriend (you’re trying so hard to be the girlfriend!) but thanks to those lenses that help you bleach red flags white (with thanks to Jenny McCarthy for turning that phrase), you might do any number of these things:

1. You hear yourself saying the words, “I’m kinda, sorta seeing this guy…” but he’s never called you his girlfriend in front of anyone. And you’d feel kind of weird and embarrassed if he heard you calling yourself his girlfriend. In fact, the G-word just doesn’t get thrown around.

2. You hear yourself saying, “We’re only ‘talking’ (texting)” or “We’re only hooking up.” And you pretend like that’s fine, but get a few more martinis down and you can finally admit it’s not.

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Tell Me About Yourself…

By | Dating, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments

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It’s Spring, a time of renewal, and a time to get honest about what you really want. In just about every first date situation, you’ll be asked the question, “How would you describe yourself?” or instructed to “Tell me about yourself!” While this is something that should be expected and thought through, many novice daters and other singles overlook the importance of this opportunity and don’t take the time to prepare meaningful answers.
The best advice I can give is to describe yourself in an honest, authentic manner. Talk about what you value – not just the superficial activities that make up the busyness of your life. For example: “I am . . .

1. “Someone who is consistently growing. I invest the time to continue learning and improving myself.”

People who are growth-oriented are attracted to like-minded people. If you can communicate that you set goals for yourself and you want someone special to celebrate your achievements with – “like attracts like,” as the saying goes!

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Online Dating: Don’t Be Greedy!

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Turn on the TV during the month of January and you will undoubtedly encounter a commercial touting the success rates and marriage statistics of a major online dating site. January is indeed the most abundant month in the online dating game.

And if you take the number of married couples who met online and compared it to the total number of married couples in the general population, you might get a reasonably good metric of success! But are those successes the result of brilliantly engaging site design and awesome algorithms or are they the result of access to more and bigger markets?

What if you take the number of singles who tried dating online and compared it to the number who met a relationship partner online — the number of “attempts” compared to the number of “wins?” That might paint a fairer picture.

Still, it can’t hurt to try.  Read More

The Upside of Being Played

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I‘m glad it’s a girl. And I hope she’ll be a fool – that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.

Daisy Buchanan pretends that she’s happy she’s having a girl, but she knows that girls of any class are the losers in her world – the world that The Great Gatsby was set in (the 1920s). Read More