Category Archives: Relationships

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My Book of Imperfections: Would you like a copy?

By | Dating, Emotions, Love, Millennials, Relationships, romanticism, Self-help, Single | No Comments

Each of us has an unwritten but deeply inscribed “book” inside that catalogs our insanities and imperfections… but when do you show your lover those chapters? 

I’ve been enamored, of late, with The Course of Love, a book by Allain de Botton, and his other work exploring and exposing Romanticism. (He has books, videos, newsletters, and more, if the bug of debunking romanticism bites you too!)

He says in one of his lectures that “We don’t need people to be perfect, we just need them to have a handle on their imperfections.” As a dating coach, it’s actually helpful if my clients are straightforward and unabashed about their imperfections – that way we know what to package as “working on it” and what to package as “charmingly offbeat or eccentric.”

De Botton jokes that the perfect wedding gift one could give to one’s beloved is a large book entitled, “My Insanities.” Every one of us is a smidge disturbed. Every one of us can drive or be driven mad. When we say “til death do us part” we’ve just claimed our ticket to a ringside seat on our partner’s insanities – and given them a backstage pass to our own.

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You’re Not Forever Alone

By | Dating, Emotions, Forever Alone, Love, Millennials, Relationships, Self-help, Single, Uncategorized | No Comments

The thought crosses every person’s mind who is single at one time or another. Will I ever “find the one?” or will I be “forever alone.” The answer is all based on your attitude.

Negativity is love repellent, instantly killing chemistry’s chances of making a match. Meeting people, interacting, and dating are all dependent on the attitude and aura we put out into the world.

For instance, when we first meet someone in a local scene, a first impressions is made in the first seven seconds. That means that the attitude and demeanor that we present will be what people believe we are, at least until there is deeper interaction which is dependent on the first impression. If we meet someone and we have the “I’m forever alone” attitude then we are setting ourselves up for failure, basically we are being a self-fulfilling prophesy.

It’s no secret, a large percentage of the population is jaded about love but it’s also no secret that we can make the conscious decision to change our attitude and present more positivity, even though it’s hard. (P.S. It’s not only millennials that throw out this phrase and feel “forever alone.”)

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October Resolutions

By | Dating, Emotions, Fall, Love, Relationships | No Comments

October is upon us, the end of the year is at our door step. Did you have New Years Resolutions? I know, the conversation should be all about jack-o-lanterns and falling leaves but did you follow them through?

Was branching out, challenging yourself, and meeting someone one of your resolutions?

If you didn’t follow through, or if you’ve gotten stuck, you don’t need to wait till January to reset your initiative. Let’s make October a month of achievement and personal growth.
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Stories of Triumph

By | Dating, Emotions, Love, Relationships, Self-help | No Comments

Tyler

A busy entrepreneur who had spent his 20’s building a thriving

business. His team at work was his pseudo-family but he wanted something

more. He wanted to meet a woman who was smart, kind, and had a passion for

life. Oh, and not afraid of the outdoors! He reached out to us and after an

extensive interview, we determined he was someone we could make a difference

for so we began a 6 month matchmaking program with him.

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Shame. Overcome It.

By | Dating, Emotions, Love, Relationships, Self-help | No Comments

Shame. It’s been a hot topic in the self-help universe since Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly came out. I’ve wanted to talk about it for a long time. But I wasn’t ready yet.

I had my own shame to process:

Shame over projects started but not finished (at least not very quickly).
Shame about relationships that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would.
Shame about all the countless times I dropped the ball or stuck my head in the sand as a mother.

I get the shame game. I even got pretty immersed in it for a while. And my prayer is that it doesn’t keep anyone else from being who they are and taking steps to getting what they want for even one minute. Especially if the thing you want is love and connection and romance and relationship.

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Can Women and Men Be Friends?

By | Dating, Love, Relationships | No Comments

There is one debate that’s been tossed around in relationship conversations since the Rob Reiner movie, When Harry Met Sally and Friends with Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake: whether men and women can really be friends, like the platonic (well kind of platonic when referring to Friends with Benefits…I mean like being friends.)

 

Many relationship experts will insist that a lasting male/female friendship is impossible. But then I have friends who are matchmakers whose opposite-sex friends are an indispensable part of their lives. There are glowing exceptions to every rule, aren’t there?

 

The thinking is that “men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way,” as Billy Crystal’s character Harry says. He adds that “no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.”

 

I find this is true more often than not. I’ve tried – with patience and with simple, easy expectations – to keep my friendships with guy friends going, but one thing inevitably puts an end to them: they meet a girl. It happened with Cooper. It happened with Sid. And it happened with Jackson. We were having a ball! – a platonic ball, just to be clear – trying the new brews, sharing stories, and filling in the blanks of what we saw on each other’s Facebook feeds.

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9 Red Flags (That You Know You Bleach White)

By | Dating, Love, Relationships | No Comments

Guys do it. Girls do it. We put on the glasses that allow us to look at a red flag and see them as white. (Or maybe a pale and palatable shade of pink.) You might say they’re “Bleaching Lenses” because they have the power to distort the way you perceive someone’s behavior. You want to be the girlfriend (you’re trying so hard to be the girlfriend!) but thanks to those lenses that help you bleach red flags white (with thanks to Jenny McCarthy for turning that phrase), you might do any number of these things:

1. You hear yourself saying the words, “I’m kinda, sorta seeing this guy…” but he’s never called you his girlfriend in front of anyone. And you’d feel kind of weird and embarrassed if he heard you calling yourself his girlfriend. In fact, the G-word just doesn’t get thrown around.

2. You hear yourself saying, “We’re only ‘talking’ (texting)” or “We’re only hooking up.” And you pretend like that’s fine, but get a few more martinis down and you can finally admit it’s not.

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Tell Me About Yourself…

By | Dating, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments

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It’s Spring, a time of renewal, and a time to get honest about what you really want. In just about every first date situation, you’ll be asked the question, “How would you describe yourself?” or instructed to “Tell me about yourself!” While this is something that should be expected and thought through, many novice daters and other singles overlook the importance of this opportunity and don’t take the time to prepare meaningful answers.
The best advice I can give is to describe yourself in an honest, authentic manner. Talk about what you value – not just the superficial activities that make up the busyness of your life. For example: “I am . . .

1. “Someone who is consistently growing. I invest the time to continue learning and improving myself.”

People who are growth-oriented are attracted to like-minded people. If you can communicate that you set goals for yourself and you want someone special to celebrate your achievements with – “like attracts like,” as the saying goes!

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