Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m Delightfully Full, Thank You!

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Martha Beck says that a love feast is anything that feeds the true you – whether it’s emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual. If you reach out to someone, you’re laying a love feast. If you give affection to someone, that’s a love feast. Give gratitude or pay a compliment…Bam! Love feast. If you wish someone well, cheer them up, give them a high five, atta-boy or atta-girl, pat on the back, etc., you’ve made a love feast!

Ben Franklin said, “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” That sounds cute. Seems sensible.

But have you ever put yourself out there, served up a big ol whopping love feast – the centerpiece of which was your authentic, imperfect self – and were met with, “No thank you. Didn’t order that. Not hungry for that. Not even sure what you’re servin there.”

I have.

Ouchie mama!

What do you do with that kind of rejection?

You keep loving yourself. You keep expressing love. You keep giving and getting. You continue to act on the love you feel.

 

It’s about audience and it’s about reciprocity. It’s about giving and receiving. For me, it was about finding the tribe who didn’t value me for my material contribution or who sought false flattery and insincere praise from me, but rather who wanted me to be my gloriously convoluted, vulnerable self.

Sometimes I showed up with lip gloss and high heels on and some sass in my step. And sometimes I showed up looking like death eating a cracker and acting like the poster child for failed poets. EVERY time, they loved me and supported me and a big old tie-your-napkin-‘round-your-neck love feast ensued.

I’ve experienced some personal pain lately. Some difficult choices were made. My fellow love-feast diners not only had my back, they insisted I continue to live outwardly, live lovingly, and gave me a safe spot for release. They made room for my complications. They made space for my crazy.

I am glad to know these fellow feasters. When I look back on this chapter of the journey of my life, their joy will surely paint the mile markers alongside the road.

With whom will you love feast this week?

If you’re new to the idea of a love feast, I’d love to hear from you at suzanna@thedatemaven.com

 

Do You Ever Feel Invisible?

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Maybe you feel invisible amidst all the online dating profiles.

Maybe you feel invisible when you walk into a crowded cocktail party, fundraiser, or networking event. Your only friend there is your cell phone or the cheese platter, maybe?

Maybe you feel invisible on the weekends when you hole up at home, getting your errands and chores done, and before you know it, the weekend is over and you haven’t gone anywhere or done anything fun – or met anybody new.

I provide an invisibility cure for my clients.

Occasionally, some people shy away from even inquiring about what I do. They shy away from asking the types of questions that would reveal to them just how much my clients love me. They shy away from the kinds of questions that would show them just how much their personal lives can change for the better.

They get hung up on an unspoken worry such as, “I’ll be the weirdo who had to pay someone to find a relationship!” Or they get hung up on an unspoken worry such as, “How much does a love coach or dating coach cost?”

I have a better question for them: How much is your invisibility costing you?

Again, I solve invisibility problems for the people I work with. For my matchmaking clients, I bring people through the gate.

What does that mean, specifically?

We follow an organized strategy. We use multiple tools and technologies. We explore many metaphors. Sometimes my job is to provide a counterpoint, a shocking statistic, or an innovative way of doing something you’ve always done.

I also provide timely guidance on the things that are happening right now in your social life and love life. And yes, sometimes it’s emotional.

Everyone has a different story and a different lens through which they view relationships. Sometimes those stories are due for a transformation; the lenses are due for some polish. We work on all aspects of your life – because it’s all connected: your health & wellness, your personal development, your professional development, and your spirituality. It’s all part of your total package.

Bottom line: I help people get relationship-ready and be bold. I help you shine your light. I help you provide a higher vibration than what’s currently found in the dating market.

Want to lay the groundwork as you’re getting ready to work with a dating advisor or dating coach? Here are a few steps you can take right now:

  1. Get an updated professional photo.
  2. Write a short bio about yourself.
  3. Think in advance about what kind of questions you want to ask me – and what kinds of questions I’m likely to ask you! I don’t offer my services to everyone who inquires, so it’s important to put your best foot forward with me as well – and be ready for some Q&A that could eventually change your life!
  4. Make a commitment. Make a commitment to your happiness. Make a commitment to pursuing what you want.

If anything I shared here spoke to you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to reach out to me at suzanna@thedatemaven.com

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Suzanna Mathews is known as “The Date Maven,” the Midwest’s premier dating expert, author, speaker, and matchmaker. She’s been studying dating & mating for nearly 25 years and she specializes in helping smart, successful, self-actualizing singles as they navigate the dating market.

Her signature coaching program for women is Brass Tacks & Platinum Bands: A Massive Action Program for Finding a Husband. Her signature coaching program for men is Putting the MAN in RoMANce: Dating Strategies for High-Integrity Men. She works with clients of all ages across North America.

How to Be a Rockstar at Relationships & Romance

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Intimate relationships are never easy and career success can never be taken for granted, but for women looking for that elusive “work-life balance,” the equation becomes even more challenging.

Ambitious, self-assured women looking for more joy, more passion, more connection, and more abundance in life are usually going at it alone – even when they’re in a relationship with a significant other.

Suzanna Mathews, also known as The Date Maven, and Julie Dubuc, Master Coach with JBN Global, use their combined coaching experience to tackle the relationship challenges that driven, professional women are facing in their first-ever How to Be a Rockstar in Relationships & Romance retreat, February 11-12, 2017 in the “Rockstar Suite” at The Ambassador Hotel in downtown Wichita, KS.

“Personality plays a big role in both workplace outcomes and in interpersonal relationships, “ says Mathews, “and it’s important to examine how we’re ‘showing up’ in the various roles we play. Our personalities influence our relationships and our relationship satisfaction influences our job performance, so essentially the person you partner with romantically can impact your professional success.” Mathews and Dubuc support their findings with social science research and decades of experience leading and teaching women of all ages.

“Too often I’ve seen self-doubt and internal pressures ruin the confidence a woman has in her profession and the self-efficacy she has in her primary relationship,” Dubuc said. “Our goal with this specialized retreat is to empower women to create the relationships they want, regardless of where they are at in their career trajectory. We want to arm women with the knowledge they need to make the most of their relationships and be difference-makers in their respective workplaces.”

The event is designed for both married and unmarried women of all ages. This is Dubuc and Mathews’ first collaboration between their companies; the event is being debuted in Wichita, KS and will be held at venues in other cities across the U.S.

Women who are interested in registering for the retreat may apply at: http://jbnglobalsolutions.com/events/ Deadline is January 31, 2017.

 

JBN Global Solutions is a Coaching and Consulting boutique focused on businesses in growth phases who are ready to take their performance to the next level.

The Date Maven is a date coaching and matchmaking consultancy. We empower proactive singles to feel love and social connection on a daily basis.

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Seven Deadly Dating Sins

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Are you Committing One of the 7 Deadly Dating Sins?

Even my married friends are making at least one of these relationship mistakes!

In the play Dr. Faustus by Christopher Marlowe – a drama I studied enthusiastically in grad school that has remained memorable all these years later — Doctor Faustus, a German scholar, grew discontent with the limits of traditional forms of knowledge and learning. He yearned to go beyond law, logic, medicine, and religion. So he decided to learn to practice magic.

Two of his friends taught him “the black arts,” and he began his new career as a magician by summoning Mephastophilis, a devil. Although Mephastophiles warned him about the horrors of hell, Faustus instructed him to return to his master, Lucifer, with an offer: Faustus’s soul in exchange for twenty-four years of service from Mephie.

Throughout the drama, Faustus encounters the personifications of the seven deadly sins in various forms: covetousness, envy, gluttony, lechery, pride, sloth, and wrath. On the final night before the expiration of the twenty-four year contract, Faustus is overwhelmed by fear and remorse. He begs for mercy, but it is too late. At midnight, a bunch of devils come and carry his soul off to hell.

While it’s my truest hope that your misadventures in dating aren’t nearly so dark, dismal, and filled with everlasting consequence, I have noted – in my 24 years of studying human dating & mating habits – some commonly committed “sins” or transgressions in dating. If you’re committing one or more of these, your dating life is probably harder than it has to be!

Sin #1. You’re a grumbler. A complainer. A kvetcher. This is where the dater fails to assess, evaluate, and strategize accordingly, preferring instead to sit around at Mort’s bar, bitching about how idiotic other people are and about how frustrating it is when people don’t act the way you want them to. They don’t ask what’s working and what’s not. They don’t ask, how am I contributing to the problem. They don’t seek out expert advice or solutions.

P.S. Venting to your newly divorced friend does not constitute seeking expert advice.

Related to this is Negativity. It’s dating sin 1.5. Bad attitude. Woe-is-me-ism. Always talking about how “my job is the worst, I have no free time to go out and socialize!” or “my sister is awful, she has a great husband, but she won’t fix me up!” or “I’m so pissed at my cell phone provider right now, I lost all these text messages from that guy I met on Tinder!” Whatever. Being THAT person gives the impression that you’re committed to being unhappy.

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5 Tips for Overcoming Dating Anxiety

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A first date is always nerve-racking, especially if we’ve been out of the game for a while. The truth is, everyone is nervous on a first date, including the person you’re going on the date with. Sometimes even the 2nd, 3rd, or 403rd date can cause a little anxiety. I’ve compiled 5 tips that I’ve recommended to clients in the past and also applied in my life. Read on and conquer that dating anxiety.

1. You’ve heard that saying “Check yourself before you wreck yourself!” It’s funny how we’re often our own biggest saboteurs. Breathe. No one date is the be-all-end-all date. (Most likely.) It’s not like your entire future and the happiness of all humankind is riding on one text exchange, one online message, or one date. Really. Don’t take yourself (or the other person) too seriously.
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You’re Not Forever Alone

By | Dating, Emotions, Forever Alone, Love, Millennials, Relationships, Self-help, Single, Uncategorized | No Comments

The thought crosses every person’s mind who is single at one time or another. Will I ever “find the one?” or will I be “forever alone.” The answer is all based on your attitude.

Negativity is love repellent, instantly killing chemistry’s chances of making a match. Meeting people, interacting, and dating are all dependent on the attitude and aura we put out into the world.

For instance, when we first meet someone in a local scene, a first impressions is made in the first seven seconds. That means that the attitude and demeanor that we present will be what people believe we are, at least until there is deeper interaction which is dependent on the first impression. If we meet someone and we have the “I’m forever alone” attitude then we are setting ourselves up for failure, basically we are being a self-fulfilling prophesy.

It’s no secret, a large percentage of the population is jaded about love but it’s also no secret that we can make the conscious decision to change our attitude and present more positivity, even though it’s hard. (P.S. It’s not only millennials that throw out this phrase and feel “forever alone.”)

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7 Strangely Creative Dates

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You’ve tried all the best restaurants. You’ve seen every movie that’s out! You love spending time together, but you’re running out of things to do. Here’s a list of some odd-but- promising date activities that will infuse fresh energy into your dating routine.

 

1. Go to a mattress store and test out mattresses together.  (We mean, like, just lay down and rest on them — please don’t take this sideways — yet!)

2. Watch a depressing movie together. But make a drinking game of it. Order a pizza so you have carbs to help balance out the drinking. Then every time the heroine sheds a tear or the music score swells to an emotive crescendo, you take a shot.

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Bookstore Bravado

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Your couch keeps you comfortable. That’s kind of the essence, form, and function of it, right? However, comfort is the antithesis of what it takes to get you up and out and socializing and dating. The line “Life starts outside your comfort zone” is totally true.

If you enjoy sports, attend sporting events. If you enjoy the arts, attend cultural events. Strike up conversations with individuals in ticket lines, coffee lines, grocery store lines, any lines! (I got hit on in line for the bathroom once. It was a little odd. That line might be better for making friends than finding dates. Just saying.) Where to go and how to hunt is one of the first things I cover with my coaching clients when they’re first getting started with me.

A current client of mine loves the bookstore as the place to scope out potential singles. She likes to see what people are reading as a view to what makes them tick. I recently asked one client, “What type of books do you like to read? What’s your genre?” Whatever your answer is – that’s the first aisle in the book store you should be camping out in.

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Tell Me About Yourself…

By | Dating, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments

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It’s Spring, a time of renewal, and a time to get honest about what you really want. In just about every first date situation, you’ll be asked the question, “How would you describe yourself?” or instructed to “Tell me about yourself!” While this is something that should be expected and thought through, many novice daters and other singles overlook the importance of this opportunity and don’t take the time to prepare meaningful answers.
The best advice I can give is to describe yourself in an honest, authentic manner. Talk about what you value – not just the superficial activities that make up the busyness of your life. For example: “I am . . .

1. “Someone who is consistently growing. I invest the time to continue learning and improving myself.”

People who are growth-oriented are attracted to like-minded people. If you can communicate that you set goals for yourself and you want someone special to celebrate your achievements with – “like attracts like,” as the saying goes!

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Online Dating: Don’t Be Greedy!

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Turn on the TV during the month of January and you will undoubtedly encounter a commercial touting the success rates and marriage statistics of a major online dating site. January is indeed the most abundant month in the online dating game.

And if you take the number of married couples who met online and compared it to the total number of married couples in the general population, you might get a reasonably good metric of success! But are those successes the result of brilliantly engaging site design and awesome algorithms or are they the result of access to more and bigger markets?

What if you take the number of singles who tried dating online and compared it to the number who met a relationship partner online — the number of “attempts” compared to the number of “wins?” That might paint a fairer picture.

Still, it can’t hurt to try.  Read More