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The thought crosses every person’s mind who is single at one time or another. Will I ever “find the one?” or will I be “forever alone.” The answer is all based on your attitude.

Negativity is love repellent, instantly killing chemistry’s chances of making a match. Meeting people, interacting, and dating are all dependent on the attitude and aura we put out into the world.

For instance, when we first meet someone in a local scene, a first impressions is made in the first seven seconds. That means that the attitude and demeanor that we present will be what people believe we are, at least until there is deeper interaction which is dependent on the first impression. If we meet someone and we have the “I’m forever alone” attitude then we are setting ourselves up for failure, basically we are being a self-fulfilling prophesy.

It’s no secret, a large percentage of the population is jaded about love but it’s also no secret that we can make the conscious decision to change our attitude and present more positivity, even though it’s hard. (P.S. It’s not only millennials that throw out this phrase and feel “forever alone.”)

Many of our attitudes stem from whether we feel optimistic or pessimistic towards the challenges and opportunities we face in life including our love life. Not sure what kind of attitude you may be projecting? Here are some questions to help gauge your optimism vs. pessimism:

  1. Does it take you long to shake off a bad date?
  2. Do you try not to set your hopes too high for a date so you won’t be disappointed?
  3. Can you be comfortable on a blind date with nearly all kinds of people?
  4. Do you think it’s hard to get ahead in the dating game?
  5. Do you expect to achieve your dating and marriage goals?
  6. Do you try to make light of bad dates or dating problems when possible?
  7. Do you go out of your way to flatter your dates?
  8. Before a date, are you usually confident that it will go well?
  9. Do you believe that honesty is always the best policy on a date?
  10. When you make a relationship decision on your own, is it usually a bad one?
  11. Are your biggest dating challenges with yourself?

There are two ends to this spectrum and then the fun place in the middle. Someone who falls on the far end of a pessimist will likely approach dates with anxiety, baggage, and an overall cynical vibe. If the person on the other end of the date is a pessimist as well, this can turn into a big pity party and exchanging stories of past pain. The goal is to reveal past pain overtime from a place of loving vulnerability. If the person the other end of the date with a pessimist isn’t a pessimist, they’ll run for the hills quickly once they catch onto the negative projection.

The opposite end of the spectrum of the optimist has a better shot but still has pitfalls. Super-optimists can come across as overbearing, seem like they’ve had too much coffee, and are poor at managing expectations of dates and relationships. If the person on the other end of the date is an optimist as well, the date could end up being and ideological love-fest but it may lack the depth and realism needed for a relationship to succeed. If the person on the other end of the date of the optimist isn’t an optimist, they’ll likely be annoyed and run for the hills with headphones on to drown out the excited calling of the optimist.

Obviously there are exceptions to the rules, and we shouldn’t change who we are specifically to cater to people’s wishes. However, we are talking about attitude here and eliminating the “forever alone” phrase from our vocabulary which means there’s a happy place in the middle.

The middle of the spectrum boasts openness to opportunity that is approached with optimism but is based in realistic expectations of what could be- basically staying grounded. By remaining open we release the energy for potential to bloom but with the expectations remaining realistic we don’t open ourselves up for disappointment. In the middle we can approach dating with a positive attitude and attract other open, realistic potential partners.

You’re only “forever alone” if you decide to be.