By Suzanna Mathews, The Date Maven[Also published at 360Wichita.com]
Everyone wants love. No one wants rejection.
This is fact. It is basic to human nature.
Ben Franklin said, “If you would be loved, love and be lovable.” That sounds cute. Seems sensible.
But have you ever put yourself out there, served up a big ‘ol whopping, “Here I am, I’m awesome, come and play with me!” and were met with, “No thanks. I’ll pass.”
What do you do with that kind of rejection?
You keep loving yourself, that’s what. And you find a tribe, like I did.
I found the Hive, a co-working space in downtown Wichita run by “queen bee” Andrea Stang. You’ve never met a more enthusiastic supporter of female entrepreneurs!
I’ve been welcomed by like-minded solopreneurs and small business owners there, and have been made to feel like one of the girl gang. The good news is, while the vibe is progressively feminine, men are welcome too.
Finding my squad was the first step. The next was creating my own recovery process. I had learned in coaching circles to Make a glory board, serve yourself a love feast, indulge and luxuriate! This is frilly-dilly, fancy-schmancy talk for: do anything that feeds the true you – whether it’s emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual. In other words, Love yourself! You DO deserve it.
Spoil yourself. It may sound a little girlie, but the truth is that men need to practice self-care, self-compassion, and self-love too.
The third step was outreach. Getting out of my own navel-gazing and heart-tending. Show affection to someone. Give gratitude or pay a compliment. Wish someone well. Cheer them up. Give them a high five, fist-bump, atta-boy or atta-girl, pat on the back, etc. Lifting others up inherently lifts you up.
When you show love to others you show love to yourself. When you show love to yourself, you fill your tank so you have fuel to show love to others.
So, keep expressing love. Keep giving and getting. Continue to act on the love you generate and the love you feel.
Reciprocity is the core energy of love. For me (and for a lot of other female entrepreneurial types and creative types I know), it’s about finding the tribe who doesn’t just value you for your financial contribution or social connection or who solicited false flattery from me, but rather who wanted me to be (allowed me to be!) my gloriously complex, convoluted, vulnerable self.
I experienced some personal pain the last few years. Some difficult decisions were made.
Sometimes I showed up with lipgloss, eyelashes, and high heels on and some sass in my step.
And sometimes I showed up looking like death eating a cracker — the poster child for failed poets and exiled queens.
EVERY time, my inner circle sisters loved me, cheered me, and supported me.
My beautiful tribe not only had my back, they insisted I continue to live outwardly, live lovingly, and gave me a safe spot for release. They made room for my complications. They made space for my crazy.
Who’s in your tribe? Who helps you recover from rejection? In whom do you seek solace when life pushes you down and rubs dirt in your face? Find them. Find them now. And if you already have them, thank them. Thank them now.
We all need a little help from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with asking for – and accepting — support.
If you’re a single lady or gentleman who is looking for love and lasting connection, let me be your tribe! I can work with you to bolster your support mechanisms, teach you more about self love, and show you how outreach can lead to better results in your dating life. I’m an experienced, professional dating coach, matchmaker, author, and speaker, and I’d love to hear from you tell me how it’s going and how you handle those inevitable rejections. You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org.